Thursday, May 28, 2009

I walked against the crowd on Independence Street

Our minds are captured. The liberation is a need that pushes from everywhere. I listened to Liberta yesterday and got relieved for a moment. Leaving home and staying at home is a comparable torture.

I saw faces this morning, different expressions, sad and cheerful, naive and experienced, relaxed and exhausted. They all were moving towards me and for the moment I found myself also walking towards them. But the first thought that crashed into my mind was that I was walking against them. The people around me were silent amid noise. It was on Independence Street, the light breeze was touching my face taking away the rest of sleep from my eyes. The moment I inhaled a bitter smoke of my cigarette, I contemplated a weird sensation. That was a sensation of something you do when in fact you dont really want to do this. Smoking is not something I like. This is something I force myself to do. I had a feeling that the sun combined with fresh air and blissful Baku breeze was inviting me and people walking towards me to something better, something mindful and colorful. However, my people were passing by me with an amazing indifference towards generosity that sunny street was offering.
And again for the moment I realized myself being part of this crowd. Forcing yourself to do things, observe customs and follow paths you dont have faith in.

The breeze was playfully teasing us to alter our attitudes. To stop and relax, to jump, to stomp our foot to the ground and turn around...turn our back. The sun was shining hard to break the ice between us, to melt the icebergs of fear, indifference, apathy and blindness. I saw faces full of latent passion and undisclosed happiness. I saw myself in those bitter sweet eyes of an old man crossing the road, eyes imprinted with the sign of former happiness and future frustration. And old lady in a colorful scarf walked past me and looked around. She was amazed, confused and saddened by something. Perhaps, by the same thing.

But the breeze did not suffice - we were expecting something else - hard blowing version of terrible Baku wind, that could blow you away to enormous distances. And you might not be able to understand whether you move towards future or past.We did not get the wise message coming from tiny, light and still forgiving touches of the almost summer breeze, which was treating us as mature individuals. Instead we were looking forward to some kind of earthquake, perhaps even combined with hurricane to make up our indecisive minds. We wanted something to blow up our minds, instead of taking advantage of the voice wisely whispering us into ear what we can do next. We believed that things listened better when someone shouts them at us...

We were stubborn and we walked: different directions, but same mentality. . The sun was not enough, the breeze was giving up slowly. The universe sat back and observed.

My eyes turned into reality. Stark and misleadingly rational reality of yesterday, today and the future. The future has become today as it started to be depicted this way. We all started to believe in the future that increasingly looks like the present. Or even worse. And frustration came when we decided that future will be worse than yesterday. The reverse is declared but not practiced.

I always tend to finish it by giving a hope. But this time it is something else. I invite you all to listen to whispering of the breeze. It is all around us, it is even sometimes inside us. The breeze will touch your eyes, slowly opening them. It will cherish your ears by giving them opportunity to hear. It will touch your reason and invite it to reflect. That sunny breeze on the Independence Street has a formidable power capable of cutting across the city and whispering into every single window. Whispering the truth. The bold truth about bold behavior.

So, do not expect hurricane to knock on your door. Open your windows and let the sunny breeze talk to you as a friend, as a compassionate friend. Even in the times of despair, do not shy away and let the shiny breeze talk to you.

Rashad Elli
29 May 2009

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